Facing The Dreaded Shots

I had a rough day today.  Yesterday was the first day I took the MS medication, Copaxone, and I have to admit, I'm not as tough as I thought I'd be.  Copaxone is a daily injection I have to give myself going forward.  I don't like needles.  I don't like hospitals, surgeries, bruises, blood, or anything of the sort.  And it's not a psychological thing, it's a physical reaction.  I don't talk myself into thinking these things are detestable, I just get sick to my stomach, the blood rushes out of my head, I turn yellow and then I have to sit with my head between my knees until it's over.  I try to pretend it's all in my head but so far I have been fairly unsuccessful.  I have had a few brave and inexplicable moments of cohesiveness especially in emergency situations, but for the most part, I know my limits and I avoid testing them.

I have dreaded taking this medication for the obvious reasons above.  I thought  it was a streak of luck when the medication was delayed for months due to circumstances out of my control.  But it finally came yesterday and I had to put on my brave face.  A nurse came to our house and showed me how to give myself the injection.  We spent 2 hours talking about the medication and doing practice injections on a little cushion.  I surprised myself with my confidence during the training and my lack of apprehension.  It wasn't going to be so bad.

When it was my turn to do the real shot, my true colors started oozing through.  I froze and couldn't push the button.  There was lot of coaxing from Brandon and the nurse before I could finally do it.  Snap!  The auto-injector clicked and the shot itself wasn't bad at all!  It hardly hurt.  For a minute or maybe two.  Then the medication started to burn.  The nurse explained beforehand that it would sting, but a lot of times nurses say something will be painful and it's not that bad.  This time, it was the other way around.  It stung way worse than I expected.  I was trying to be tough, but then the nausea began and I started to feel cold and hot and dizzy all at the same time.  I put my head between my knees and hoped I would make it through without throwing up or passing out.

Within 20 minutes I was fine physically.  The pain in my arm was gone and I didn't feel sick.  But emotionally, I have not really been okay.  There has been a lot of crying over the last 24 hours and the worst part about it is knowing I have to do it again tonight.  And the next night.  And the next.

I'm hoping it will get easier and eventually become second nature.  Brandon's going to give me the injection tonight and see if it helps.  I will have to report on how that goes.  In the meantime, thank you for thinking of me, praying for me and caring about me.  I really appreciate it.  More than you know.